Passion, Commitment, Intimacy: I love thee.

Western civilization is obsessed with triangles. Here comes another one. Triangle theory of love by psychologist Robert Sternberg. This theory explains what I have been talking about in my previous post Where Does Romantic Love Come From?


You can read the summary of the theory from wikipedia Triangular Theory of Love.


I think it is an interesting theory. It explains why some of the relations last no matter what. When I was in high school, a friend of mines parents were talking about divorce all the time. They have talked about hating each other, divorcing each other in front of their kids for at least ten years. (It has been 10 years since I have last seen them, but they are still together as I have heard recently). The problem was (I thought and many people I knew thought at that time) the woman was a collage graduate, articulate, intellectual, strong teacher where the man was a high-school-drop-out photographer, not much into books or movies, more into sports and kind of macho in his own sexy way. When they were together you could feel some sparks in the air. They could not get on very well on daily matters, they were totally different in every aspect of life. We could not get it.

One day the mistery was resolved. I was with my friend on breakfast table, her mother rushed into the kitchen in a rage and shouted at my friend: "you know I would have left your father years ago if he was not so good in bed!" We were young and confused. We discussed about it later but could not understand it. Then I noticed, couples who have great sex tend to stay together. The passion is a strong and hard to find bond between two people. The easiest is to find the commitment. It changes from society to society and it depends on values. The more you move to the east the more you find commitment. My friends parents had passion and commitment between them, they were not getting along but they were faithful to each other, they yearned for each others bodies, they were married with kids they were commited to each other. It was just a misfortune for them to think that their marriage is a disaster and not observe how lucky they are. There are many people who can not find this type of romance.

In marriage we look for the things we can not find in our lives with other people. We can have passion with the one we love, if we are committed too it is better. However marriage and frienship are not the same concepts. They are one but not the same. You can have many friends but only one husband. I think it is an important thing to consider.

If you have it all, good for you! If you don't please search for what is important to you. If it is passion, then go look for it. If you prefer a friend that is good too. But decide, search. When you find it be happy. Don't judge yourself with other peoples values.

I think triangular theory of love gives a basis to discuss these matters. It gives so much insight. Tonight think about it, and introspect. What do you want? What do you need?

I will tell you my story soon.
Cheers