Others: Happy Looking Couples

"There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations."François
de La Rouchefoucauld

I have just read a screen play by Donald Marguiles. "Dinner with friends". There is also a 2001 movie version of it. It is about two married couples, who likes to spend time together. Then one of the couples split up, and the other couple questions what is going on in their relationship.

In most of the unhappy relationships there exists a problem of others. The grass is always greener on the other side. You have problems, but on the other side of your gate, your neighbour's home is so warm, his wife is so understanding, their relationship is so satisfactory, you may feel. Most of the time, the guy next door feels the same about you.

Most of the couples have a public mask. They want to be perceived in a certain way, that will fit their image. However it may hide lots of problems. There is no such thing as a "happy childhood" and there is no "perfect couples" , "ideal lives". In real life and love there are quarrels, fights and problems of day to day life. You may not witness them but they are there. If they do not exist, the lack of disagreement may be the real problem. So fighting in a relationship is perfectly normal and healthy.

They give you a role model. If you are young, that is worse. They spread their marriage propaganda, their way of living. Before my first marriage I adored a couple I knew. They always looked so happy together, always laughing. They were both academicians, they had this wonderful life. They tasted wine together, go the theatres and movies, attended book clubs, movie clubs. Lots of multi-cultural friends. They hang out together, and by themselves from time to time. They can talk about anything. The woman is really independent and strong. The man respects that. They were collage sweethearts and so on.

So I adored this couple, I wanted to be like them. I got married to my friend. I was not madly in love but what the heck, this couple was not too. Then slowly it came to me. I figured out this couple was not happy at all. They yearned for real love but did not know how to get it. They lacked passion. They were friends all right but it did not suit for marriage. We do not marry all our friends, are we? They were lonely people can not get a divorce because of their child and own fears and insecurities. They liked each other as company but did not love each other. My marriage collapsed and then I figured. passion is a must and it is totally different from friendship.

You can not judge your relationship by other couples standards. First it may not fit you, second you do not know how they are when they are by themselves. So it is important to be careful and listen to your heart.

An imitation is more glorious than real.
Be real, be true.
Don't settle for anything less than true love.

Cheers.